October 12, 2005

Dear friend,
I had another dream last night. I was laying in a field with a girl, holding hands. We were laying there, counting stars and talking about past experiences, and it was basically perfect. She moved closer to me, and i put my arm around her. We were laying there, inches away from each other, just staring into each others eyes. I wanted to move in for a kiss, but i didn't have the nerve. So we just laid there, really close...
.....eventually, we got up and headed back to our cars. We were standing underneath a streetlight in the parking lot, empty save for our two cars. We exchanged the standard lines, "i had a great time" and "this was fun, lets do this again." We hugged each other one last time, and i leaned in for a kiss. Instead of our lips touching, she moved her head completely too the side, and i stumbled forward a bit. ...a goodnights miss... I looked into her eyes, seeing none of the sparkle that i saw when we were staring into each other in the middle of the field just minutes before. She just looked away from me, and whispered "i am sorry." We released our embrace, and she turned around and walked away, leaving me standing alone under the streetlight. And i just stood there until morning, just staring at where she was...hoping that this wasn't real, and that she would be coming back. But she never did...
Eventually i just woke up, completely alone in my house. I got out of my bed, and was walking around...looking for anyone...just to know that i wasn't the only person left in the world, but no one was around. i tried to turn on the TV, but the battieries had fallen out, and i didn't have the strength or motivation to put them back in or just hit the buttons on the front of the TV. I just went into my room and layed back on my bed. I hit play on my CD player, not remembering what it was that i had inside. It turned out to be a mix i made for a girl a few days ago. I never did give it to her...she hooked up with some other guy before i got the chance. i still wonder if i made the mix a day earlier if it would have changed anything? maybe one of the songs would have touched her so much, that she would have fallen for me...if just a little. but thats just another passing dream that will never come true.

Love Always,
Stephen